An Anxious Heart

    40 million adults in the United States have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, making it the most common mental illness in our country. That is 18% of our entire population! Talk about a huge capitalization and market range for Satan to begin his work! It is the man trying to bury himself in a newspaper while riding a metro. It is the woman crying from her desk because she is so overwhelmed. It is the child slitting their wrists in the school bathroom. It is 40 million of our brothers and sisters. It is even the writer of this blog. While there are people who probably are in need of medication and treatment, I believe that my anxiety is an issue of the heart not a depravation or imbalance of any chemical. I believe that my anxiety is a sin and not a condition. Maybe you will be able to relate.

    Our society has gone to great lengths to convince us that every struggle or trial, resulting in anxiety, is a condition that needs to be managed. Because we live in a sinful world there will always be things we can choose to be anxious about. In contrast, because God never changes and is always good there will be things that we can choose to rejoice over. So, lets play a round of ‘sin or condition?’. If you choose condition you will have to carry the weight of your anxiety. You will have to figure out how to manage it all on your own, day in and day out. You will be dependent on your own abilities. For the rest of your life you will live in fear and frustration in trying to deal with this issue finding yourself always falling short. Now, lets say that you decide to go with sin instead. If anxiety is a sin in your life then Jesus has already paid for it. Instead of working to manage and treat it like a condition, you can destroy it because Christ has overcome sin! You can turn to the hope and peace in God’s word on days that seem to be more difficult. For the rest of your life you will have the victory, the peace, the security, and the freedom because of the work of your savior. You can choose how you will respond to life’s hardships. You can choose to look at your circumstances in light of your own abilities or in light of the work that Jesus has finished. “Some people think anxiety is a condition to be managed but it is really a sin to be repentant of.”

    I don’t want to make this seem like an easy thing to conquer. If you struggle with being anxious, and we all do in certain times in our lives, then you need to know that it will be a challenge. It will be a temptation to pick up the weight again. This hits me right in the heart. I had convinced myself that my trials and my pain had given me the right to be anxious. I believed that my anxiety was a condition. It is something that I will need to be habitually repentant of. This doesn’t mean abusing God’s grace as an excuse to fall back into sin. It means that in temptation and in trials I will fall short of what I am supposed to do but I can maintain hope because our God is merciful. It means that I will live a life striving after God knowing that when I stray I can turn back to him in a state of forgiveness. Habitual repentance is not an excuse to sin. Rather, it is a humility and confidence in Christ. Start by reminding yourself that you are undeserving and incredibly small, and when temptation starts remind Satan that inside of you is his own defeat because of Christ’s work. I encourage you to spend some time with Christ on this issue. Read through Philippians 4:4-13 (see below) and allow God to convict your heart, challenge you to greater things, and grant you a life of peace in him. Read through it several times and focus on each verse specifically. God will speak to you! Drop self pity, anxiety, fear and run to him in repentance.

Philippians 4:4-13  4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. 10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Return to me, Beloved.

As humans, we are so quick to claim everything as our own. We get so caught up in feeling sorry for ourselves that we forget the redemption we were given at the cross!

God sends us his son to die. We complain about going through trials.

Jesus takes on all of our sin so that we can experience freedom. We complain about not having the right job.

God promises us redemption and new life! We get complacent in growing to know Him.

God delivers us from a season of hardship! We get prideful and call the healing our own and forget our need for him.

How quickly I forget what was done, what is being done, and what is promised for those who are faithful to God. What a blessing it is that we serve a God who is continually waiting for our return. Joel 2:13 encourages us to “Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate.” Praise God!

I fall into sin and he whispers, “Return to me, Beloved.” I get prideful and he whispers, “Return to me, Beloved.” I stop trusting him and he whispers, “Return to me, Beloved.” I fear the future and he whispers, “Return to me, Beloved.” I surrender my will, my fears, my doubts, and my insecurities to Him and he whispers, “I’ve missed you, Beloved.” What beauty there is in knowing that he will waiting for us always.

In our pride we can demand God to deliver us out of hardship and not want to give up anything ourselves. In order for God to bless you, his child, you have to act! In order for you to feel at peace in your current situation you have to turn to Him. He would fight for you if you would be faithful to Him. He would forgive you if you would humble yourself to Him. He would overwhelm you with His love if you would seek Him wholeheartedly. He will! Would you? He is waiting! Would you make the necessary changes to seek him and put the world aside? I think if you would listen you would hear his whisper, “Return to me, Beloved.”

Can't You Just Be With Me?

    Let me invite you to join in a scene that is taking place in my head as I type. Imagine a couple on their wedding anniversary enjoying a candlelit dinner in the town’s nicest restaurant. They don’t need music or entertainment; the pure enjoyment of each others company is enough to occupy the evening. There is no denying her love for him nor denying his love for her. Now, imagine the beautiful young bride looks to her groom and says, “I’ve really enjoyed this time with you but I have another date to go to in about 30 minutes.” He replies, “What?” She reassures him that “You are still my favorite and my number one but when this is over I am going to go out on another date.” Now, I would like you to come up with your own most creative response on the groom’s side; however, I have no doubt that all of your imagined responses go something like “I don’t think so.”

    How many times do we treat Christ like the bride treated her groom? Just like the groom would not have been okay with his new wife making him one of many men in her life, Christ is NOT okay with us making him one of many in our lives. How insulting to the creator of all things! Sometimes there can be no denying our love for Christ. When people look at our lives and our actions they could see someone who desperately wants to glorify God; however, if they really looked at your heart they might see that it does, in fact, have a section devoted to Christ along with another section devoted to money, a third section devoted to our careers, and a fourth section devoted to strongholds, etc. How does your heart really look? Does it make God one of many things in your life? Or maybe God is at the top of your heart but you still can’t let go of the rest. Or maybe you could say with absolute confidence that all of who you are and your entire heart belongs to Christ. You see, God doesn’t want to be one of many things in your life. Nor does he even want to be your number one in a list of things and people you love and hold onto. He wants to be everything in your life. He wants you to give up every worldly possession, relationship, and habit. He wants all of your heart. He created you to live for Him. He created you to carry His name in all that you do. It’s interesting how He created us to be His and we can struggle to find time to fit Him in each day of our busy lives.

    Would you take a minute and consider what your heart really looks like? How deeply would your heart reflect your love for Christ? What does your heart say about you? I imagine that, like many Christians, you have some readjusting to do. Would you really let go if he asked you to give until it hurt? Or, would you look at him and say, “I love you. You are my number one. You are still my favorite but I’m going to hold onto this part of my life too.” I think it is time to pause every part of your life that doesn’t glorify God and ask God to occupy your whole heart. Christ is asking you right now, “Can’t you just be with me?”

Yes, you may call me nostalgic.

A few weeks ago I ventured into my room for a seriously late spring cleaning. I decided I was finally going to go through all of my “stuff” that was no longer vital to my survival that I keep. It was not until I actually went to get rid of everything that I realized exactly how nostalgic I am as a person. I have a drawer in my room filled will napkins from Disney restaurants, receipts from tourist stores in other parts of the country, business cards from local professionals I spoke to once, and letters with pictures of cute children that I don’t have a clue how I’m related to. I am an organized person; however, I have become a genius at neatly arranging a lot of junk that I seem to cling to. Somehow I feel that the multi-billion dollar Disney industry will suffer if I don’t keep all of their restaurant napkins. I think that the local professionals will regret giving me their business card if I throw it away. I especially have a hard time throwing away a picture of a child that someone obviously loved enough to send to my family. I lock text messages that make me smile. I tape notes and pictures on every inch of my wall. I keep small pieces of treasure that amount to absolutely nothing. I am nostalgic.
    I’ve recently realized that these nostalgic tendencies not only affect the cleanliness of my room but the freeness of my heart (corny, I know.) I cling to past hurts and experiences thinking that it is best for me to protect myself from future hurt. If I am being honest with all of you holding onto these experiences is as if I’m saying “God, I love you BUT I’m not sure you can handle this better than I can. I don’t think I will give these parts of my life to you because I don’t believe that I can absolutely trust you in every situation.” While I will probably always be a nostalgic person holding onto notes, posters, and magazine cutouts, I refuse to be the person that desperately holds onto the past. I am in absolute awe in all of the healing my savior has done in my life. I had to let go of those things in order to achieve liberty in Him. I think it is a large part of our natural defense mechanism to hang onto things of the past to protect us from those things in the future, but I wonder if in doing so we miss out on something so much greater that God has for us. God is in the business of redeeming every part of your life and binding up your heart from past hurts. It is actually one of His jobs! (Isaiah 61:1) I want to encourage all of you to join me in surrendering every part of your life to Him. Maybe it is something so big you are going to have to surrender five times every hour. Maybe it is something you’ve always felt like you have dealt with but realize you still hold onto. Maybe you know someone struggling with this that you could encourage. “Seventy years are given to us! Some even live to eighty. But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear, and we fly away.” Psalm 90:10 (NLT) Soon the troubles that you cling to will disappear and you will be free to fly away. This starts by acknowledging that God is healer and deserves every part of your life. Until the day we fly away I ask that you would continually be a servant after God’s own heart, surrendering everything, and living every day under the direct influence of the Holy Spirit.

Scared to Stillness

     Let me start by saying that I am truly blessed with an incredible family. Unfortunately, we all find far too much joy in trying to scare the life out of each other. I can remember a time when my aunt Sandy got an ingenious idea for a way to scare me and my cousin, Star, while we were having a scary movie marathon. Star and I were innocently sitting on the couch watching our third or fourth scary movie at the darkest hours of the night, when my aunt comes in all bright eyed with excitement announcing that she was going to bed and loved us very much. (yes, her excitement to tell us she was going to sleep should have been clue number one; however, it remained undetected) She then made a point to announce to us that she was locking the door so that no unwanted visitor could come in. (Yes, her attention to this very important detail, as you will find later in the story, should have been clue number two; however, it remained undetected as well) About fifteen minutes into our movie we hear the door creak open. (You may have guessed that my aunt is the one slowly pushing the door open in attempt to make our hearts stop beating temporarily) Star and I look at each other in deep fear, looked at the door in greater fear, and then looked back at each other; but we quickly brushed it off, reassuring each other that it was all in our heads and that no unwanted visitor was really making his way in. (Hang in there readers, I assure you this has a point) We ignored the noise and continued watching our movie when the door opened even further and we could no longer ignore the fact that something or someone was making their way into the house. Despite the fact that Star and I both knew something was undoubtably happening we just stared at the door. Now, I’ve always had the utmost confidence in my ability to run, hide, or defend myself in the event that something would happen; however, when something actually was happening I just sat there and watched. I can only imagine how disappointed my aunt must have been that our reaction was so uneventful. She had developed this awesome plan to scare us and all we did was stare with mouths open and wide-eyes waiting patiently for our impending doom.

    You know, I think that maybe our relationships with God are a lot like this story. I believe that God is constantly communicating with you and trying to reach out to you. I also believe that, just like star and I brushed off my aunts entrance into the house, a lot of us just brush off what God is telling us to do by saying “its only in our heads” or “thats not really what He is calling me to do.” Meanwhile, God continues to reach out just as my aunt continued to push the door open. He is desperately waiting to hear from you like my aunt was desperately waiting for a reaction out of us! I don’t know about you but I would hate to think I lived my whole life staring God directly in the face doing absolutely nothing while he was telling me, “React! Emily! Do....something!!!” Just like my aunt went out of her way to develop this plan to scare us, God is going out of his way to develop a plan to use you. Would you make a promise to God that you will react when he says move? Would you live your life freely for Him while actively listening to what He is telling you to do? Would you believe in His voice and see his immeasurably awesome promise behind every challenge? Would you cry out like Samuel, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.”? I pray that you will. Don’t stare with mouths open and wide eyes as God is telling you to do something big! He obviously thinks you are so much more than capable to be used by Him. Don’t miss out. Listen. Respond. Do....something!

Through His Eyes

I know it has been almost one month since my last blog but I haven't forgotten about it nor have I stopped my Relentless Pursuit for my savior! I would like to share with all of you my senior exhibition of mastery final product. I decided to re-tell the Bible through Photography and this is a video showcasing all of my pieces up to this point. My deepest prayer is that these images resonant with you in some way and that you are reminded of your Creator and not just His creation. Here is the Youtube link! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyDkGM9yvSE

And, so, I cried with Jesus...

Okay, so I’m about to be a little bit more raw than I’m used to on here. I am pretty much the exact opposite of a girl when you think of us in terms of tears. That girl sobbing during a romantic comedy? Not me. That girl wailing when she finds an especially reaching part of a fiction novel? Not me. That girl making a variety of highly unattractive noises and faces in attempt to hold in the tears? Almost entirely and accurately describes who I am. I cannot fully explain to you, my willing readers, how much I despise crying. God definitely as a sense of humor because, ironically, a high majority of my close friends cry frequently and have quite often been crying in unison around me. It is important for you to fully comprehend my deep hatred of tears, so that you can better understand how humbling it was for me to cry this past week with Jesus. I have laughed with him. I have sung praises to Him. I have served Him. I have been mad at Him. I have ignored Him. I have fallen to my knees in surrender of Him. My relationship with Him has taken me to all sorts of crazy emotions; however, I have never cried with Jesus. Never.

This past week I was thrown for a loop and found my relationship with Christ at a different place than it has ever been before. God spoke to me through these Matthew West lyrics, “I’ve been waiting for you for all this time. Been hoping you’d wait for me and the lesson I’ve learned is love always returns when its true. I’m so glad I waited for you.” At the end of this song when this part was sung again I just started sobbing. I couldn’t hold it in no matter how hard I tried. I felt Him holding me in his arms telling me He was waiting for me. He was waiting on me to realize that he has always been waiting on me with open arms. It was God’s love song to me. It is His love song to you. His declaration no matter where you are or how you are feeling that “I AM WAITING FOR YOU!!!!!” He has been waiting for you. Not only that, He is so glad that he waited on you because, my dear, you are beloved.

I encourage you to remember 2nd Corinthians 12: 9-10, “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power my rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” His power is made perfect when we are lost, stressed, broken, and hurt. For when we are weak, he inhabits our lives and makes us strong. He is waiting to inhabit your life and to make you strong in Him.